Hello to anyone reading this!!

I have been inactive from this blog for over a year, I am sorry but I had to grow up. Grow up as in pay rent and bills. When I look at all my older posts it makes me sad because I was a lot happier and more carefree, I could spend all my extra money on things I really wanted. Don't get me wrong I still am an avid makeup and beauty lover but I no longer have time to review or blog about any of it and it really does suck. I'm about to make this post very personal and detailed because it is 1am and I am always stressing. 

My life has really changed, I rent a townhouse with some roommates and I mostly pay for all the rent myself. I started working at a restaurant I used to work at in my hometown but the company is opened a location at where I attend college. In June I trained to become a server and had since served but I am currently back to hosting because of people quitting. I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 10 months. I really didn't realize how spoiled and sheltered I was in high school until now. Most people probably do not get thrown into the real world until they graduate college, me, I am not so lucky. 

Balancing school, work, sleep, and my social life is very hard. The bills keep piling up and the thing is, I do not have much help. Not because my parents do not want to, but they cannot help compared to my other peers. I have become bitter towards the people who's job is just to go to school and study. All the money I make goes towards living here because I have to go to school here. I get over scheduled at work but at the same time I have to work a certain amount of days to make a certain amount a week in order to live and breathe. I work close to 30 hours a week, I am not begging for these hours but sometimes I need to in order to hit the amount I need. 

I also joined a sorority this year because it is something I've always wanted to do since I was young, like the movies which is funny because I did not realize how far fetched my dreams are. I really do love my sisters and they're supportive but I cannot put as much into my membership since I am also working since I have to. I want to do so much more, I want to be like other girls. And it just sucks that I have to pay for all my dues too which add up. I did not realize how deep I dug my grave until I moved off campus. FASFA definitely shielded me when I lived on campus.

I did not have a hard time eating when I lived on campus and I have no idea why they did not give me enough money to pay rent and eat living off campus. I really do not get it. I probably check my bank account as much as I check Facebook because money is always on my mind and it is not healthy.

My mom asked me if I was doing well in school because "I partied a lot" according to Facebook. And honestly I do not know if I'm going to do well but I need to go to these concerts I enjoy so much because that is one of the only things that is keeping me sane and normal feeling. I do not think it is unfair to think that I can have some fun right? I was just born into a shitty situation where the 2008 economy screwed us all over. They promise all this money and jobs for people who go to college but I feel like I am dying trying to get this American Dream. My father literally was the poster kid for American Dreams as he was an immigrant knowing no English, yet he graduated college here with a bachelors in Computer Science, he bought brand new houses for his family and was literally screwed when his company does not have a project for him because he is too expensive compared to someone coming out of college. What is the promise of the American Dream if it ends before retirement. Do they not realize how many people they screw over because they do not have enough jobs for the educated.

I always think "is college for me?". I am surrounded by coworkers who got their degrees but they are just bartenders or servers. Is that going to be me? I am trying to get out of my grave but it keeps getting deeper and deeper. I am trapped. I used to be a spoiled brat from one of the richest and most educated counties but the moment you can't keep up, you're trapped. Trapped with the expectation and education to further it but no longer with the means. I have all these high expectations for myself, I have so much potential, but to reach it, it requires a fund I no longer have.

I am on my own. 1 year ago, was I this bitter and cold? I don't think so but 1 year ago I wasn't given 5 different priorities but only the choice to keep 2 on my plate. They say money does not make you happy, but I am not happy, I am not free because of the lack of. I am trying to keep up with my past lifestyle. It sucks because all my friends in high school aren't worrying about work and school. My dad wants me to quit my job and he said he will help because he can pick up another shift because he wants to. But how am I supposed to accept a handout from someone that barely has anything to handout. Is that human of me? How does he keep giving when he barely has enough to give himself.

I work so hard to get nothing. I don't even think I have any dignity anymore. There is nothing to me. I am not trying to pity myself because I know others have it worse but 2015 you have been my worse year yet. I am trying so hard to get out of this hole that got so deep but it's so hard. I used to see the light and walk in it but I was pushed into this dark hole. 

I don't know what to do anymore. Being demoted because of someone else's fault hurts my situation so much. I don't get the respect I need to feel somewhat alive. I am barely breathing and it's 2015. Help, but funny thing I have a hard time accepting it because I am not used to it, I was raised to be independent but this is my cry for help. 


What My College Dorm Looks Like!

Hello everyone!
I've decided to try to come back to blogging like I used to in high school. I've realized that I have never posted pictures of my college dorm last year. A reason for that was I was never really happy with what it was because 1st semester last year, I was in a double room that had 3 girls and I was top bunk. There was literally no space. Second semester last year I was never in my room to care/clean it enough to! This year I'm really satisfied with how I decorated and how clean I can keep it. I think I organize my room pretty well. The difference from last year is that I brought more stuff that I actually use because I did end up over packing at some cases. I go to Towson University and I live in the Towers. I'm just going to say the size of these dorms are way larger than most dorms in colleges! I share the room with one roommate and we have a suite to a bathroom shared with two other girls.

 This is my side of the room. I live on the door side but I really like it because I lived on the window side my freshman year and wanted a change. The room is basically a long rectangle.
 My desk area! We put the desks next to each other but here lies my picture wall. Putting printed pictures on the wall is a cheap way to decorate and personalize your dorm room! I do not really use my desk for actual studying so I put my makeup on it! I always try to keep it clear just in case I do want to do something on my desk though.
 My bed and dresser! I use the dresser as a nightstand as well. Tip: use two mattress pads to make your bed super comfy. I use two and it saves me and my sleep.
 My astrological tie-dye tapestry from a beach shop in Ocean City. It was about $18 which is also a cheap way to decorate a big space on a wall!
 I got the canvas picture on sale at Urban Outfitters just because I really like how it showed a tree in all of it's seasons. The globe bulb lights from Target are a step up from Christmas lights and I'm in love with them. Several bulbs have broken along the way just because they are heavy so I caution you to take off all the light bulbs before hanging them up and making sure the wire is stable enough before putting them back up. I also have a cork lamp from target as well.
 Towson took off the closet doors off the closets because they were bulky and useless so a lot of students (and me) use curtains and hang them by using a tension rod. I use a shower curtain rod just because I had a couple lying around. The curtains are a nice way to decorate and hide clutter as well.
 Here are the curtains opened! I put random things in clear plastic bins so it is easy access and also it is easy to move in and move out with clear bins.
 These closet organizers are from Target as well. They are really helpful for sweaters (which you should not hang up) and scarves. I have a lot of shoes so the shoe organizer is big help. Obviously buy things that you are going to use because I know when I was college shopping I thought I needed everything but no one helped my buy my things for my dorm so I really was careful with what to buy and what not to.
 This is an expandable shoe rack I stole from my mom! Like I said I have a lot of shoes so it really does help store them neatly.
 Here are the clear bins close up! You can find these anywhere but they are from costco which it came in a 3 pack.
 I have two more bins under my bed because my dresser could not fit all my leggings and yoga pants. Extension cords are also useful since there are not that many outlets.
 I put my textbooks under my bed just so they are out of the way but I use file holders.
 This is my roommate's shelf organizer which is meant to go over your bed but it wouldn't fit in our rectangle style room. Each of the rooms in the Towers also comes with a microfridge so I did not have to buy it out of pocket!. I use plastic drawers to organize my food.
 My room also came with a bookshelf which I put cups and waters. The left side is mine.
 I put the items I use at the sink everyday in a bin just so I don't make the sink cluttered!
And here is all my makeup I use on a daily basis on my desk! Having somewhere to put everything helps me be organized.

Hope you guys like my dorm room right now and I hope this comes for inspiration for you.


I Cannot Believe that my Last Post is From December of last year

Honestly, it felt like time has flown by. My freshman year obviously ended and I was trying to figure myself out. I'm actually still trying to figure myself out but I have somewhat of an idea. I do not really buy as much makeup as I did in high school because being a college student has made me poor. Well actually, the economic crash caused for my family to feel the burden of being upper middle class to lower middle class. It really sucks but I had to work to feed myself rather than buy the newest makeup. I will always love makeup and I still try out new things except not in an excessive amount.

I feel like I've become a new person since my last blog post. I am now putting all the negativity and anger behind me and only embracing the positive aspects in my life. There is no time to waste and why spend your life being angry and hating something that you should put behind you. I've only fully realized this after a life threatening situation that happened to me. Life is too short to be unhappy.

If I ever get the confidence to, maybe I'll start making YouTube videos but I'm kind of late to that game. No one probably reads this but if you are, 5 stars for you. Thanks to the 25 followers I've always had.

If anyone wants to stay updated with me my social media all involves the name naturallytran

Peace, Love,